Favors Farflung Ep. 1, by Faelan Wo

Hello from Thalosion, homeworld of the Cerynath! I know what you’re thinking–”What would drive our gentle Faelan to such a brutal planet? Has she gone mad?” I am glad to report that I have not, in fact, gone mad. No, I have been lured here by the promise of a dish so hearty, so spicy, and so delectable that it is held sacred by the mighty Cerynath.

Indeed, no sooner than I had arrived on planet, I was swept up into an epic contest amongst five warring tribes. Were they to do battle? Yes! At first this terrified me, of course. I will freely admit that. I am, after all, only a mere two meters tall, and the largest of the Cerynath bulls reach nearly four meters at the tips of their horns. If I were stuck in the middle of such a battle, I would surely die.

But to my relief, my guide informed me that no blood would be shed that day. Instead, they set out massive cook pots large enough to boil me alive and began to throw in all manner of strange ingredients.

Each stew was as strange and varied as the tribes themselves: one from the north included tough legumes cooked for hours in beer; another tribe roasted a horn-looking red vegetable until its flesh blistered and my eyes watered. Unidentifiable meats were cubed, mashed, minced, and sliced into the stews. And while these stews cooked, the males vied for the right to judge the brews by seeing who could toss a boulder the farthest. I’ve never seen such a sight.

And oh! What a wonderful stew they produced. Like all Cerynath food, it was rich, hearty, and spicy. You know me–as a modern-minded Civret, I prefer humanely manufactured meats. But when I first smelled the aromas of those game meats roasting over an open flame, I was certain I could hear my ancestors sing from every cell of my carnivorous body!

Now, I must admit to a bit of thievery here, dear reader. Most of the recipes are held only in the memories of the females who concocted these delightful dishes today. But one paid me less heed than she ought. I slipped between two large woven baskets and hid with my datapad at the ready, eyes fixed upon her every movement. Thus, I was able to record an approximate reproduction of her recipe for you.

Cerynath Spicy Stew

Cerynath Spicy Stew is wonderfully simple (at least the one I discovered!). You should have no difficulty finding suitable replacement ingredients on whatever world you are reading this from. I find it quite inexpensive for something so tasty.

The best part? It’s great for a crowd! Cook up a batch to eat over a week or quadruple the recipe to ensure you have enough for any Cerynath house guests (they do eat a lot!).

Ingredients

• 1 lb ground meat (I confess I have no idea what kind of meat this is, nor do I have any desire to find out–use whichever you prefer and can obtain legally)
• 1 lb dry beans, cooked until tender
• 1 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes
• 1 28 oz. can diced tomatoes
• 1 12 oz. can tomato paste
• 32 oz. bovine broth (homemade really is the best and how the Cerynath prepared it, but I find it rather tedious for the busy Confederate citizen)
• 1 bag frozen peppers and onions (or fresh, if you prefer)
• 1 can chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (CAUTION! Will be decently spicy! For those unaccustomed to Cerynath spices, I recommend setting this aside as a condiment rather than included in the main dish)
• 1-2 premade chili spice packets (I can’t be sure what these spices were exactly, so some experimentation on your part might be in order.)

Method:

1. Combine all ingredients and heat through. Enjoy!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think there is someone waiting at my yurt doorflap. I’m no expert on Cerynath vocalizations, but I’m fairly certain that loud snarl was from the female I stole the recipe from. There’s a knife on the table here…maybe I should cut my way out and find another tribe to stay the evening with…

Tune in next time to find out if I die tonight!